Suit Up!
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Summary: Seeing Setsuna depressed, Negi decides to give his student tips on how to pick up girls like he does. Wait, WHAT? Setsu/Harem, Yuri, shoujo-ai, crossdressing, Stinson-ness, CRACK!
1. Setsuna–chan, Badass LadyKiller Mode!

A/N: How else is Negi snaring all those girls? Did you really think it as because of his charm?

* * *

Suit Up!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: I own no figures that you do or do not recognize. Please don't sue me.

* * *

Negi sighed as he stared at where Setsuna was sitting morosely on a bench. The girl was much happier these days, especially when Konoka was around, despite how much she blushed, but when she was alone, she had a tendency to get angsty-ly philosophical about the state of her life, Konoka, her happiness, Konoka, her ability to protect as a body guard, Konoka, What other people would think if she decided to admit to and try a homosexual lifestyle, and Konoka. He felt she was over-thinking things. Considering this is Negi Springfield talking, that meant a lot.

He considered the course of action he was going to take. On the one hand, in violated an Important part of the CODE: the never allow certain members of the population to know about the CODE. On the other hand… this was one of his _students!_ And she was hurting. He had to do something!

A thought came to him and he straightened, realizing that a certain part of the CODE, the most important part, already told him what to do.

Bros before ho's, after all. And whatever else could be said about Setsuna, she was butch enough to be considered Negi's Bro.

* * *

Setsuna looked up as Negi politely coughed to announce herself. She'd heard him coming of course, but it was these little things that counted. "Negi-sensei?" she said.

Negi felt the urge to fiddle with his tie, but restrained himself. "Setsuna-san," he said, choosing his words carefully. "You seem very troubled."

Not so long ago, Setsuna would have been coolly dismissive of such an observation. Now, she blushed ever so slightly, squirming. "Negi-sensei," she began.

Negi interrupted her. "Setsuna–" he paused, as if thinking it over, "-kun, I can see you're deeply troubled by something. It doesn't take Nodoka's Artifact to see what. It's the whole issue with Konoka-san, isn't it?" It wasn't really a question.

The blush deepened. "Sensei–"

Negi smoothly interrupted her again. He knew it was rude and uncharacteristic, but if he gave her a chance she'd sabotage herself. "Setsuna, what if I told you I can not only give you the confidence to confess your feelings to Konoka-san, not only get her to go out with you, not only teach you how to get her willingly into bed, but also to be able to pick up women as well as I do?"

Setsuna opened her mouth in instinctive protest, but it remained open and silent as Negi's words finally registered properly in her brain. Finally, she said, "Wait. You _KNOW_ you're doing it?!?!?!"

Negi permitted himself a grin. "What, you think it was my innocent charm that turned nearly the entire class into raging pedophiles?"

As Setsuna continued to stare, Negi sighed. "Setsuna-kun, please. I really want to help you. You're my friend and well… you look really pathetic right now. It doesn't suit you." That last phrase made his lips twitch in a smile. How ironic. It must be a good omen.

Setsuna finally managed to find words. "Why?" she asked.

"Because… you're my Bro, Setsuna-kun," Negi said, raising his fist up, parallel to the ground and knuckles facing Setsuna. "And I can't let a Bro down when it counts."

Setsuna stared at Negi's fist, before realizing what it meant. She raised her fist and gently, almost reluctantly, bumped it against his.

There was a moment of satisfied agreement.

Finally, Setsuna said, "So… I'm pathetic?" There was a challenge there.

"Quite," Negi said. "But not for long. Sakurazaki Setsuna, suit up!"

* * *

"Asuna, do you know where Se-chan is? I wanted to invite her to karaoke tonight."

"She's with Negi. Apparently, he felt she needed a little work on something, so he's tutoring her."

"Oh! Then I suppose we'd better not disturb them…"

* * *

"Negi-sensei," Setsuna asked a bit nervously as she was measured. "Why is this place located in the back room of a pet shop?"

"Uh, I'm not really sure," Negi said. "But Kojiro-san is the best in all Mahora. Seruhiko-sensei referred me. Plus you get a free rabbit with every purchase. I usually give mine to the kindergarten classes."

"Sensei, are you sure all this is necessary?" Setsuna pressed as Kojiro got to work.

"Trust me Setsuna-kun," Negi said, smiling. "It's the best way to go…"

* * *

_Several days later…_

Setsuna stood alone in her room, some water still beading on her naked skin from her shower. Tonight was the night. The class was going out bowling again tonight, since last time had been so much fun. Ayaka had really gotten into it, inviting everyone, even the likes of Evangeline and Chisame, to attend. Negi had told her this would be the perfect time.

She looked down at the… well, _gear_, for lack of a better word. It resembled what she normally had enough for her to be comfortable, but were different enough to make her nervous. This would be the second time she'd be trying them on. Negi had said that these moments were a private thing, for her alone.

She took a deep breath, listening to her new rabbit that she'd unimaginatively called Usagi in her new cage by the window. It was time.

She bandaged her breasts first, a little looser than she usually did. It seemed oh so serious. She could almost imagine a soundtrack slowly going "dun, den, dun, den," as she got dressed.

She buttoned the shirt slowly, a bit unused to buttons that felt they were stitched on the wrong side. Down going up, not the other way around…

She pulled on the pants, allowing herself to marvel at the fit and feel of the material. Button, then fly. Her hands slowly did the buckle as, in her head, the imaginary soundtrack got a bit louder…

The jacket went next, then pulling on the cuffs so they stuck out as they should. Negi had lent her a pair of his cufflinks for this, her maiden– what irony!– run, and she dutifully put them on. Her plain black wristwatch joined then near her hands…

The tie went around her neck, and she secured it slowly and methodically, looping the length of dark silk in the more elegant manner Negi had taught her. She adjusted the fit of her jacket, then finally turned to the mirror.

A different Setsuna looked back at her. She'd always stood straight, since correct posture was important for swordsmanship, but the figure in the mirror stood straight not from necessity but from pride. Confidence seemed to emanated from every perfect fold and crease. She adjusted the tie in the mirror, and it wasn't a nervous gesture, but the confident final brushstrokes to a masterpiece, a work of art. Just one thing left…

Setsuna reached down and picked up the pair of prop glasses Negi had given her, deliberately putting them on a little low. A slow smile began to creep over her face as she looked at the finished product, and in the mirror, the girl looked absolutely relaxed, cool and confident, and maybe just a little bit smug. Now, what was that thing Negi had told her to do..?

She winked. The reflection made her knees shake a little. In her head, the soundtrack rose to a crescendo and fell silent.

She was ready.

* * *

"Brr…" Asuna said, rubbing her arms. "Did you guys feel that chill?"

The others nodded, even Evangeline, who shouldn't be bothered by cold.

"Most ominous," Yue said portentously as she sipped from her box of 'Soder'.

Ayaka frowned. "What's taking Setsuna-san so long? She's the only one left!"

Negi smiled in quiet satisfaction. "I think that's her now," he said.

Sure enough, one set of regular footsteps was headed their way. Some people turned to look, most especially Ayaka, an annoyed look on her face.

A dark figure entered, and everything seemed to stop. It was as if the imaginary soundtrack going "dun, den, dun, den," had restarted, only louder.

Shining black shoes, practically glowing with the sheen of new leather…

The others who hadn't been paying attention turned to stare. Ayaka's mouth remained open, angry words forgotten.

Slim, perfectly creased legs…

Misa, Madoka, and Sakurako began to fan themselves as heat began to rise. Hadn't it been chilly just a moment ago?

Hands casually pulling on one cuff, then another…

Evangeline felt her libido, firmly quashed these last fifteen years, slowly making itself known as a rising wave of magma about to erupt in an earth-shaking event. Empty Night, and she thought the Boya was hard to resist.

One hand reaching up to adjust the tie, only underlining how perfect it already was…

Many got the strange feeling that there might be some problem with their underwear. Surely it shouldn't be this fidgety?

A quiet, confident, 'devil-may-care' smile that only _hinted_ at what other things it can do…

Konoka put a hand to her chest, feeling her heartbeat rising. She felt flushed, feverish. Oh, wow…!

Glasses glinted sexily in the light…

Negi suppressed a bright smile of possessive pride.

"Daddy's home," Setsuna said. One dark eye winked. The imaginary soundtrack once more climaxed, and was quiet.

For an endless moment, no one moved as Setsuna, the brilliant new star, changed the courses of the heavens and caused them to revolve around her. Her hair ruffled slightly, in its usual style pulled back to the side of her head, but even that seemed new and shiny.

It was Zazie Rainyday who moved first, the normally dead-silent girl striding towards Setsuna in perfectly balanced, almost acrobatic steps that seemed strangely hesitant. As she closed in on the swordswoman, one hand came up as if in a caress…

Setsuna reached for her hand, enfolding it in her own. The movement was strangely like a predator pouncing. "Hey, Zazie-chan," Setsuna said, drawling in a vaguely Italian accent. "How _you_ doin'?"

There was a collective shuddering of knees. Nearly everyone's breaths were coming in soft gasps.

"Sakurazaki," Evangeline said, sounding like she was in a daze. "Do me. Do me now, do me hard, do me long!"

It was a mark of the effect Setsuna was having that everyone nodded in agreement at these words.

Setsuna ignored them all, however, leaving Zazie to stalk up to Konoka. One would think she looked like some kind of Yakuza, except no Yakuza could possibly look as awesome as her. "Oujo-sama," Setsuna said, and her words barely skated the edge of outright disrespect and lechery.

"S-se-chan…" Konoka barely managed to breath out. Oh, she was so awesome, how could she have not really _seen_ it before?

"You wanna skip karaoke and go straight to my room?"

"Okay!"

* * *

**- END!**

* * *

A/N: The result of too much 'How I Met Your Mother'. Seriously, that's show has been on for 5 seasons, and no one has made the suit connection?

Glasses, especially the rectangular, narrow kind, are sexy. Obviously.

* * *

**Omake: Consequences**

* * *

"Please accept our confession of love, Setsuna-sama!" Fuuka amd Fumika said as they simultaneously handed Setsuna matching envelopes, then bolted for it.

Setsuna was still looking a the envelopes, Konoka hanging off her suit-clad arm when Mana approached. "Setsuna," she said. "Don't forge about patrol later. We need to talk about our… _teamwork._"

So saying, she walked away, her hips rolling such that it was impossible not to look at them

Setsuna caught herself looking at them. Next to her, Konoka sighed, soundly vaguely miffed.

"You know, it was cute and all, everyone not harboring a major pedo-on for Negi-sensei going gay for you," Konoka said, sounding as if she was trying to be angry and losing steam. "I'd be pissed, except you look _so_ hot in that suit…"

"Natural awesomeness, Konoka-chan," Setsuna said. "Natural awesomeness. So who do you want to have a threesome with tonight?"

"I feel like Chinese," Konoka said thought fully.

"Ku Fei and Chao it is, then…"

* * *

**End!**

* * *

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	2. The Legen– WAIT FOR IT!– dary Barney!

A/N: the chap you thought would never happen. If you're taking this seriously… then you're obviously at the wrong place.

TvTropes, dattebayo!

...

Suit Up!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: I own no figures that you do or do not recognize. Please don't sue me.

...

"Negi-sensei, I can't thank you enough for introducing me to suits," Setsuna said as she lay back on the salon chair and had her nails done. And no, she wasn't having a manicure, she was a _BRO_! She was undergoing perfective maintenance. _MANLY_ perfective maintenance.

"No problem, Setsuna-kun," Negi said in the chair next to her, also undergoing maintenance. "It was very nice, seeing you and Konoka-chan hook up."

"But tell me, how did _you_ find out about suits?" Setsuna asked. "I mean, no offense, but aren't you a bit too young to know about suits?"

"None taken, Setsuna-kun," Negi said, laying back with sigh and spontaneously turning several hot housewives to shotacon-ism. "Actually, I can attribute my suit knowledge and all my attendant awesomeness to a serendipitous accident. It all began when my plane accidentally ended up in New York…"

...

Negi sighed. For some completely bizarre but justifiable reason involving radar, navigations and probably the Bermuda triangle, his plane, which should have been flying nonstop to Japan, had instead ended up in New York City. The airline was very sorry about it, and was getting everyone accommodations while another flight to Japan was being arranged.

As he was pulling his bag out of the baggage carousel, it accidentally fell on a large black bag.

"Ow!" said the bag.

Negi blinked.

The bag suddenly started squirming, and a good-looking blonde man with the dashing good looks of a mad-scientist capable of singing and dancing while building a Freeze Ray that stops time looked out at him from the opening. The man looked around and scowled. "Well, looks like this carousel's tapped out. Hey kid, could you give me a hand getting up?"

"Um, sure," Negi said, and awkwardly began helping the man out of the suitcase.

"Thanks kid," the man said as he finally got himself upright, straightening his suit and tie. "My wingman couldn't make it tonight, so I had to go in Han-style. Mage, right?"

Negi's jaw dropped. "H-how–?"

"Well, the fact that big stick on you back is staying there without being tied on is a big hint," the man said. "Plus the fact that, you know, you've _got_ a big stick. Heh. Big stick…" He grinned. "Barney Stinson, my boy, the Legen– _wait for it_– dary Suit Master of New York. The Top Mage. The Big Mac. Have staff with a knob on the end, will make big bang, you know what I'm saying? Now undisputed, since Tribbiani moved out west. You were a worthy opponent, Joey. God Speed and stay away from my city."

"Uh, no, not really," Negi said. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Stinson. I'm Negi Springfield."

Barney paused, staring at him. "No way… _your_ Nagi's kid? Damn, should have recognized that big stick you were packing. Heh. Big stick… You know, your dad and I went way back."

"_Really?_" Negi said, going all starrey-eyed.

"Sure," Barney said expansively. "Tried to teach him some of my moves to, groom him up into my wingman, but you know, he went to the old country, and there was all that business with the princess…" He shook his head remorsefully. "Sorry to hear 'bout what happened to your old man, kid. But hey, what brings you all the way out here? And where's your hopefully-hot-nanny chaperone?" Barney looked around expectantly.

"I'm traveling alone, Mr. Stinson," Negi revealed, just asking to get kidnapped off the street. "My plane ended up here by accident, and I have to wait until tomorrow to get another flight."

Barney stood straight, clenching his fist. "Kid, this is obviously fate at work. Obviously, fate wanted the two of us to meet, so that I may impart to you all the wisdom that I wasn't able to with your father."

Negi blinked, not sure what to say about that. "Um…"

"Step one, get a suit," Barney said, oblivious. "Step two… have you ever heard of the _Sneezing Exarmatio_?"

...

Setsuna glared at Negi. "So all those stripping sneezes were _also _deliberate?" she said.

"Well…"

"That's it, next time we have the Sports Festival, you're sneezing, Negi-sensei. And you owe my some underwear."

"Won't that be kind of obvious?"

"A lot of girls will be naked. No one will notice. So that's why you know the spell?"

"Well, I was reluctant to learn it, but Barney-sempai told me it was one of my father's few spells that he knew from memory and was actually his favorite spell."

"You're so predictable, Negi-sensei. Though I wonder what he used it for?"

The two paused in retrospection.

...

"ACHOO!"

"Ah!" Arika said, deadpan, her cold, porcelain-like features turning into a deeper crimson without changing one bit.

"Heh, sorry your worshipfulness!" Nagi said, wiping his nose.

SLAP!

_**So**__ worth it,_ Nagi thought, trying not to scream from the newly branded handprint on his face. .

_All according to plan_, Arika thought. _BWAHAHAHAHAHA!_

...

"He probably used it to unexpectedly disarm his enemies," Negi said.

"Really?" Setsuna said dryly.

"No."

...

"Negi, you have learned every have learned every lesson I can give you," Barney said, wiping a tear from his eye. He handed Negi a copy of The Most Ancient And Sacred Bro Code. "Go, young grasshopper. Go, and spread the word of Bro-ness far and wide. I know that some day you, too, will be able to help a Bro in need of enlightenment."

Negi, in his spanking new suit, took the book from Barney. "Thank you, master! I'll make you proud!"

Barney solemnly raised a hand, fist clenched shut. Negi did the same

_**FIST BUMP!**_

"We really should stop this," Ted said. "It's like, some kind of apocalypse. Mini-Barneys going off to an unsuspecting world…"

"Oh, shut up, that kid is hot," Robin breathed, fanning herself and undoing the top buttons of her blouse.

"Ditto," Lilly agreed, pulling her neckline down a little lower.

"Yeah, he's just dreamy," Marshal said.

Ted sighed, "I need some other friends. Maybe Ross and Rachel will let me hang out with them…"

...

Negi, staring at 2-A for the first time, felt like he was in heaven.

_I will do you proud, Barney-sempai!_ he thought as he stepped into the first day of the rest of his life.

...

Barney felt a cold chill rush over him. "Suddenly, I feel like I should be in education…"

...

**- END!**

...

A/N: In Ayaka's report on Nagi, the picture of him shows him wearing a suit. He's almost as good in it as his son…

Not as long as the first, but hope you like it anyway.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


End file.
